ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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