i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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