I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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