is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
the condom got lost in my hair
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
