All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
