There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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