I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
