party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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