If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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