just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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