Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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