One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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