Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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