k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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