Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
