Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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