I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
