M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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