I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
