I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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