whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
