i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
