I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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