Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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