im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
