i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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