People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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