I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize