Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
