so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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