His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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