I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
