Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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