Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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