He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
