dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
