return my video game
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will pee on everything he values.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
