Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize