Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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