Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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