I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
