Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
