Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
