so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
