I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
