Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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