Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize