Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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