You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
