You can't special order awesome
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
