it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
