alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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