My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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