If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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