Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
