After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize