WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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