I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
