One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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