I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize