I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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