no, he came in my armpit
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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