I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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