Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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