If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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