Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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