i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
