I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
