He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
