im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
