My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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