apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
