WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
