hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
