It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will pee on everything he values.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
