Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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