I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
