When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize