Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
