Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
