I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the condom got lost in my hair
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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