it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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