It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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