brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
