dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
