i think my mom watched the whole time
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
