I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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