Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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