he shaved USA in his pubs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize