omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
